Daily Thoughts, July 1, 1999
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“And me? I pray. God, it’s time for a break! God answer in love!” Psalm 69.16

Knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses, especially when you muster the courage to face the facts is daunting. One faces a simple choice; focus on yourself, letting the dark side overwhelm, or focus on getting help! Rely on the strength within or seek help from the outside. For many of us, facing the decision is a significant act of courage.

David knew first hand the result of focusing on developing his inner strength. David saw the results of his efforts and concluded that they were not pretty. David also experienced the touch of God’s hand and a sense of his presence. The contrast between the two decisions was crisp black and white.

In my own life, I continue to muddle between the two choices. I passionately strive to let go of my self, but keep coming back home anyway. The details are not especially relevant. I see demons of experience haunting each individual in their own unique way. The knowledge of self indulgences draws one back. The sense of victory when you overwhelm another creates a need for more. Hedonistic decisions feel good, at least for awhile. The trouble is that the decisions carry results! The demons bring the sorrow in realizing that my decisions hurt others. Ego-centered actions show the pride and arrogance that is a part of our common heart. Our bodies scream for balance and exercise, yet we keep walking between two camps.

While I fail, I am going to exercise a choice. Knowing that I will always have a tendency to go back to myself, I will pursue God with more intensity. The key to escape is in my hand and, by God, I am going to use it! You have this key.

Stop. Stops doing whatever you are trying to do to lift yourself up. Throw yourself on God. Run not walk, into God’s presence. Express your hopes, dreams, and desires to God. Listen; listen to God with as if your life depends on it! Now.

June 30, 1999
July 2, 1999