Daily Thoughts, July 12, 1999
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Perception

“You walked off and left us, and never looked back. God, how could you do that? We’re your very own sheep; how could you stomp off in anger?” Psalm 74.1

Between people, communication rests on little things making the difference. A smile, a touch, the sense of presence can become part of one’s statement of love. The absence of these things will convey desertion or even anger. As a parent of a budding teenager, I find my role becoming critical yet full of mine fields. Should I be involved or not? Should I wrap my arms around or walk at a distance? Is now the time to talk or listen? How much independence is she really looking for?

In my relationship with God, I find myself echoing Carli’s behavior. I do not understand how God could walk off and leave me alone. I sense God is angry, especially for my failures and their results. I feel so alone and abandoned.

After searching my heart, I can honestly say that my love for Carli is greater than it has ever been. I know the depths of my love; I know the strength of my commitment. I share a commitment with many fathers; I would do anything for Carli’s welfare or safety. Does Carli know this right now? I am not sure. I spend most of my time with her trying to tell her that I love her unconditionally.

I am beginning to see my relationship with God is very similar to that of a thirteen-year-old. I am struggling in the transition between being a child of self and being a child of God. I desperately want to commit my life to him yet there are things I want to do that get in the way of this commitment. I am hot on the subject at times and very cool about the opportunity at other times.

God is with us even when we do not see him. God is speaking to us, even when it is quiet. God loves us, especially when we feel unloved. God is, always.

July 11, 1999
July 13, 1999